Thursday, April 26, 2007;
its been like what a week since i blogged.. yes i was emo and yes i meant everything i say.. actually im still in quite the same state... i can write how much i want but what is in my heart will not go away... anyways what i wanna do is talk about confidence...
Theoratically confidence means having the belief in my own abilities like self-assurance in my ability to succeed.. its easy to say to do but its reli hard to have confidence.. i said this because right now im reli low in confidence..i do not have much belief in myself like the confidence to carry myself out to face the world.. who cares abt it...? no one but me.. i have no choice but to care abt it coz it is me obviously and no matter how i try to rule it out, its me so i cant deny it.. so basically i cant carry myself out right now... no matter how hard i try.. its like im thinking i cant do anything good and all i do is bad things.. thats what the ppl around tell me.. like i have no good in my life... how to get confidence in this manner? the good i think im doing is bad to other people... so im lost.. what am i suppose to do... do bad things then the others will think im doing good? i remain lost.. as usual...
Yea so im very busy with the final year project now... seems tough in the beginning... well how can a fyp dont be tough.. but as soon as we got things going it seems quite straight forward... sch is getting harder and harder day by day and nothing is going right between me n her... like can anything go in the right path right now!!! it sucks big time man..
yea so i was going through friendster and saw my nephew's account... and i saw the testimonials.. its amazing how things can turn to... the best thing was that i did everything for my nephew and tried to help him have a good time around me and never said something bad abt him coz he is reli a good kid... i even took care of him and helped him during the time i need to do work in school to give him advice.. what can i say now.. he is reli a good kid and i hope he is happy with the decision he has made and wish him no hurt in the future.. the part that reli sucks was that i neva spoke ill of him and the person who assisted him in the decision have said ill things abt him to me and i was juz keeping quiet.. and juz look what it becomes now.. im the one who lost a nephew and so called be the bad influence... oh well.. thats the way the world is.. i cant do shit abt it but think to myself about it...
anyways yea im in school and im looking forward to the upcoming events within the next few days.. at the same time.. still fighting for her... where has my confidence i once was full of gone to????
a person who scolds other people's parents dont have respect for their own parents...
cheers
nash
imu
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Thursday, April 12, 2007;
its been more than 2 months since i last blog.. i cant say im busy but pure laziness... many things have happened in these two months.. most of them are negative.. actually everything was basically.. yea there was my birthday and all but that wasnt important... what was the most important thing was what happened in march... me losing the gal i love.. and it all falls to blame myself.. if i hadnt have done that.. i wouldnt have lost her..the other party can bark and blap whateva she wants but i cant b bothered.. coz she dont mean anything to me.. but the gal i love that i lost.. means everything to me...
since i lost her.. ive been thinking of all the times we had the past 3+ years... and everything was juz gone juz like that.. yea we had our downs... but i was thinkin of the ups.. the first time we met.. the first kiss basically the first everything... and also the good times.. sentosa.. vivo.. town.. clubbing everything.. i dont blam her for a single thing.. coz its all my fault.. i can beg her everyday and all but haiz.. she doesnt turn to my way.. its like i lost an organ in my body that i cant live without.. my heart...she means so much to me.. that it juz feels unwell not having her with me.. like im lost.. im lost in m own world wondering what i can do... i want her to have everything good... but haiz if she doesnt want me what can i do.... i can beg her my whole life but if nothing comes to avail what can i do... im left alone.. i dont say i dont deserve it i do... she has given me many chances to change but i screw it up all... haiz if i only got this one last chance.. i wont break it... ill do everything i can juz to have that and if i get that.. ill cherish it like i have neva cherished anything in the world... i love her.. ill always will... i want her back... i want her in my arms agen.. i want to shower love on her... i want to give her everything she wants.. i want to be the one by her side at any moment of time... right now i reli miss her..tried talking to her but haiz... it never worked out.. i wish there was something i could do.. she said nothing.. thats y i said im lost. i still remain lost.. me not having her is like me not breathing... whats left? i miss her.. yes i miss u if u r reading this.. i broke many promises ive let u down many times... i dun wanna do it anymore.. i wan u smiling and thats what that matters... i reli want u back.. im sorry i love u....
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Tuesday, January 30, 2007;
hey pplz.. it has been more than a week since i last blogged... oh well nothing much has happened since then.. she came back from india last sunday and we met up a couple of times since then..it was first on tuesday when she had to hand up her assignments and we rushed here n there and finally got all of it done.... then went seeshaing and watch movies last wednesday and have not seen her since then.. she also showed me the pictures she took when she was there.. its great to hear that she had lots of fun there..
i also went to see Risshabh last thursday.. u can really lose weight playing with him man.. he never sits down.. well actually he never walks he just runs all the time... and he doesnt get tired.. hes learning very fast now and when he wants something he says 'layna' means want in hindi.. its kinda interesting seeing how these kids grow up and how fast they learn
since last nite ive been feeling bloody sick.. i couldnt sleep at nite at all.. i have no idea wat kept me up.. i kept tossing and turning.. tried calling her but to no avail.... and fuck rite now in school im having body aches and fever.. its really sickening as today theres a test and im trying hard to study for it but juz cant concentrate. feeling too darn sick... i hate this damn feeling man...
Thaipusam is coming! its time of the year again.. im carrying this year after carrying the past 3 yrs.. im some sort of taking a short break but ill go and support my friends. i will probably be going at 3 plus in the morning first to see Mitu, Amit all carry with BB. And then go school and again in the evening go for amar... its gona be a tiring day and i hope the sickness goes away in time for that...
till then
adious amigos
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Friday, January 19, 2007;
Some pictures days before she left....
  you know im just missing her like shit...... its been like what 5 days since she called and when i found that she was online yesterday cause she posted in her blog, i was like.. what the fuck damn i wasnt online... juz kept thinking of her and even gng throug sleepless nites man.... juz 3 more days before she comes back and i hope the days dont come slowly cause it will then take ages before she comes back.. im juz gona keep staying online having the glimpse of hope she will come online or even better call me and if u are seeing this call me!!!!!! now im in school so tired and lazy... hardly slept last nite.. got UT today even though i havent even studied a single bit.. nothing comes over my mind except her.. what the hell mannn!!!! anyways gtg adious!!! posted [AT]
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Thursday, January 18, 2007;
Its only three more days until she comes back.... but she has not called me at all since Monday... that makes it worst man... ive been feeling so weird not talking to her.. been thinking of her practically all the time... and it hurts!!!! so since u are coming back on Sunday.... can u at least call me while u r there...
yesterday me and the guys went to watch the singapore-indonesia match... we sat at the border opposite of where the indonesian fans were sitting.. half the time scolding and cursing at them then watching the game.. it was reli fun... that oor guy who was reli cursing and scolding them got moved away by the police.. i was juz wondering if what he was saying was so bad as he did not use any physical violence or whatsoever... anyways the game finished 2-2 and singapore are in the semi finals... and well they are gona meet malaysia... our arch rivals.. thats gona be a hell of a game when they come down for the second leg at the national stadium..im draggin her along with me man i dont care.. she has to experience this at least once in her life... trust me darling it will be great...
anyways ill c u guys soon...
adious!!
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007;
yea im back agen.. this time dieing of boredom again.. when is she gona come back man.. like 5 more days! now i know how she felt when i went to Espana... anyway yesterday was allright.. woek up only around 3 in the afternoon.. spent the whole nite playing game... couldnt sleep man... then was conferencing with rajiv and avtar when i woke up and then of all things we decided to watch the singapore and laos match at the national stadium.... it ended up 11-0 man! wat the hell happened to Laos... thy must have been getting shit from the coach after the game... if i were them i go back alreadi sia.... reli sad case... for singapore its good stuff... maybe more ppl will go watch their match on wednesday... in the papers today i read there were 5,224 people there... so if we werent there it would only be 5,219 but i rajiv jagdeep avtar and shil ad nothing else to do.. the best thing was we only paid 2 bucks each coz we are in poly... how cool is that! watch singapore make history paying only 2 bucks! haha
oH weLL so whats the plans for today... hmm noting... rajiv wanted to put tattoo but that idiot is probably sleeping like an ass.. so maybe juz go play soccer or something later... what else can i do... callie is not here!!! come back la babe... so long alreadi!!! shes been calling me every nite keeping me updated.. she says she stills hates the place... well at least u are getting high there every nite... juz 5 more days to go b 4 u come back.. im counting it down ok! so juz tell ur dad u need to come back so everything settled... anyways im off to make my bed now... take care pplz and will blog soon..
adious!
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Sunday, January 14, 2007;
Hey peepz.. its been like a long while since ive last blogged (well seven days is long compared to other ppl!).. so anyways the last week been quite bumpy.. callie has been having her assignments and all so was juz helping her out.. well that was probably what i was doin the whole week :P... oh yea then on friday she left... leaving me alone! she went india for a wedding... u know its reali weird.. i was staying up with her the whole nite.. then in the morning when she left so talked to her for a while when she called from the airport.. then after she left i went to bed... then when i woke up like at 4 plus.. i was like wat the fuck... i didnt know wat to do... i juz got outta be and was thinking to myself.. what the hel am i gonna do next... that left me thinking for some time... soo i ended up playing xbox... what can i do!!!! then yesterday went to dana's place since it was his birthday... pretty cool... something different.. and then he brought us (belanja hahaha) to pizza hut so i and rajiv juz whacked all we cld eat.. still had some space in the end but i called it quits.. rajiv ended up buying ice cream.. give that guy anything chocolate or ice cream... u r gona lose it.. im never gona treat that guy to swensens or ben n jerry's... ill go bankrupt man.. yea so she called me yesterday.. saying shes goin for lodi and it was freaking cold.. im like come back! haha.... too bad she couldnt say anything sweet to me coz her mum was there.. but i did :P... u dont have to know what i said... if i tell u i would have to kill u... anyways today was a normal wet sunday.. no soccer coz of the rain.. went to temple for prayers... see im a good guy! yea came home and been doing that since then... slack man.. juz thinking of what to do next.. suraj sent me this reli cool remix oh mere dil ki chain... im stuck to that song man.. that songs for her... wherever part of india she is... oh mere dil ki chain.. chehna yeh mere dil ko duahkhi jeeyehh.. if my spelling is wrong im sorry babe... still missing u! so pplz ill catch up with u guys soon... cya arnd and peace out!
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