Thursday, April 26, 2007;
its been like what a week since i blogged.. yes i was emo and yes i meant everything i say.. actually im still in quite the same state... i can write how much i want but what is in my heart will not go away... anyways what i wanna do is talk about confidence...
Theoratically confidence means having the belief in my own abilities like self-assurance in my ability to succeed.. its easy to say to do but its reli hard to have confidence.. i said this because right now im reli low in confidence..i do not have much belief in myself like the confidence to carry myself out to face the world.. who cares abt it...? no one but me.. i have no choice but to care abt it coz it is me obviously and no matter how i try to rule it out, its me so i cant deny it.. so basically i cant carry myself out right now... no matter how hard i try.. its like im thinking i cant do anything good and all i do is bad things.. thats what the ppl around tell me.. like i have no good in my life... how to get confidence in this manner? the good i think im doing is bad to other people... so im lost.. what am i suppose to do... do bad things then the others will think im doing good? i remain lost.. as usual...
Yea so im very busy with the final year project now... seems tough in the beginning... well how can a fyp dont be tough.. but as soon as we got things going it seems quite straight forward... sch is getting harder and harder day by day and nothing is going right between me n her... like can anything go in the right path right now!!! it sucks big time man..
yea so i was going through friendster and saw my nephew's account... and i saw the testimonials.. its amazing how things can turn to... the best thing was that i did everything for my nephew and tried to help him have a good time around me and never said something bad abt him coz he is reli a good kid... i even took care of him and helped him during the time i need to do work in school to give him advice.. what can i say now.. he is reli a good kid and i hope he is happy with the decision he has made and wish him no hurt in the future.. the part that reli sucks was that i neva spoke ill of him and the person who assisted him in the decision have said ill things abt him to me and i was juz keeping quiet.. and juz look what it becomes now.. im the one who lost a nephew and so called be the bad influence... oh well.. thats the way the world is.. i cant do shit abt it but think to myself about it...
anyways yea im in school and im looking forward to the upcoming events within the next few days.. at the same time.. still fighting for her... where has my confidence i once was full of gone to????
a person who scolds other people's parents dont have respect for their own parents...
cheers
nash
imu
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Thursday, April 12, 2007;
its been more than 2 months since i last blog.. i cant say im busy but pure laziness... many things have happened in these two months.. most of them are negative.. actually everything was basically.. yea there was my birthday and all but that wasnt important... what was the most important thing was what happened in march... me losing the gal i love.. and it all falls to blame myself.. if i hadnt have done that.. i wouldnt have lost her..the other party can bark and blap whateva she wants but i cant b bothered.. coz she dont mean anything to me.. but the gal i love that i lost.. means everything to me...
since i lost her.. ive been thinking of all the times we had the past 3+ years... and everything was juz gone juz like that.. yea we had our downs... but i was thinkin of the ups.. the first time we met.. the first kiss basically the first everything... and also the good times.. sentosa.. vivo.. town.. clubbing everything.. i dont blam her for a single thing.. coz its all my fault.. i can beg her everyday and all but haiz.. she doesnt turn to my way.. its like i lost an organ in my body that i cant live without.. my heart...she means so much to me.. that it juz feels unwell not having her with me.. like im lost.. im lost in m own world wondering what i can do... i want her to have everything good... but haiz if she doesnt want me what can i do.... i can beg her my whole life but if nothing comes to avail what can i do... im left alone.. i dont say i dont deserve it i do... she has given me many chances to change but i screw it up all... haiz if i only got this one last chance.. i wont break it... ill do everything i can juz to have that and if i get that.. ill cherish it like i have neva cherished anything in the world... i love her.. ill always will... i want her back... i want her in my arms agen.. i want to shower love on her... i want to give her everything she wants.. i want to be the one by her side at any moment of time... right now i reli miss her..tried talking to her but haiz... it never worked out.. i wish there was something i could do.. she said nothing.. thats y i said im lost. i still remain lost.. me not having her is like me not breathing... whats left? i miss her.. yes i miss u if u r reading this.. i broke many promises ive let u down many times... i dun wanna do it anymore.. i wan u smiling and thats what that matters... i reli want u back.. im sorry i love u....
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